one offer, many questions

i don't write about my personal life very much. most of the time when i do, it'll be something related to soaping. today i wanted to share something about me with you lovely readers out there.

i graduated with a degree in health science last year and moved to melbourne to try to get into fashion styling. i've been interested in fashion for a long time but it was a very recent decision to move to a different city and start a career in something that i have no experience or qualifications in. since moving here nine months ago, i've struggled with breaking into the industry and have mostly been volunteering and collaborating with other aspiring photographers and designers. although my portfolio is slowly growing, i'm still very far away from being able to make a decent income (if any) from styling.

for a while i gave up and started looking for work in health, for no reason other than to put some money back into my bank account. even that wasn't successful and it seems that with the current state of the economy, finding a job in almost every industry is a huge challenge these days. i was lucky that a friend of mine helped me to secure a part-time fashion retail job about a month ago. i'm earning a little bit of pocket money until i can get back on my feet again and continue to pursue styling.

soaping is something that relaxes and engages me all at the same time. even if i'm not actually making anything, i love the process of planning the look of a soap or blending scents. i would say i enjoy it as much as styling, but the difference is that with soaping, the only person i have to impress is myself. There’s no need to prove my skills to anyone and i don't have to work to meet anyone else's criteria or limits. if i'm happy with the results, the soap goes to family and friends.

a few days ago, i was feeling particularly deflated with the whole fashion career situation. my boyfriend (matt) and i were discussing my options and i admit, i was being very negative and only pointing out the cons in each of his suggestions. at one point i whined "i wish i could just make soap while this styling thing sorts itself out!". he said "well, why don't you?".

i proceeded to give a long speech about how i was worried that if soaping was my job i would start to enjoy it less. more importantly, starting up a soap business is ridiculously expensive and one has to be making and selling a ton before they can actually make any money out of it ("trust me, i've looked this up a million times! even the postage is a rip off! you know, so many soapers have to work multiple jobs...bla bla bla!!"). (p.s. that's me griping away at matt).

then he said "why don’t you keep doing the fashion thing but make soap on the side. if you don't enjoy the soaping you can always take a break and focus on styling. if the money is what's stopping you from starting up a soap business, i'll help you out with that part. you get to make soap and the apartment doesn’t have to be flooded with it all the time. everyone wins".

i was taken aback by his answer and his offer. was it possible that i had let my negativity stop me from seeing the bigger picture? to be honest, if i had thought of things this way, i would have considered pursuing both fashion and soaping months ago especially since they both require a supplementary source of income, at least for the short term. yes, the start up costs were part of the reason i didn't think this was feasible, but mainly i just wasn’t confident that i have what it takes to turn one passion into a job, let alone two.

and so, with one offer comes a heap of questions. can i do this? is this what i want? what are the risks? will this make me happy? i'd love to hear from you soapers out there that sell or are thinking of selling. what scares you about it and what makes you keep going? i've got a lot of thinking to do...